User blog:LenLawliet/Truth
Alright, I'm only righting this because I need to get this off my chest, some things need to be cleared up, and I literally have nothing else on my plate right now. Many users, mostly from the fanon wiki see me as an abusive, manipulative asshole of whom as an ego problem. Some believe me to be violent and believe I only care about myself and no one else. I know I have made alot of enemies since I have joined the wiki and I personally don't understand, but at the same time I do. I know I have made alot of mistakes, acted out at times I should not have. There is ALOT of things that I should have done differently, and even I understand this. Believe me when I tell you that I am not a bad person, believe me when I tell you I'm not the bad guy you think I am. For the longest time, I believed I was getting targeted for reasons that I just believed because this place was filled with assholes who thought they could just get away with bullying. However, I've stepped back, analyzed the entire situation, looked at everything from other people's perspectives and I've noticed a few things. So here's my side of the story. BurningGalaxy/Jess/PandathePanda First, I would like to address the entire situation with Jess/Panda/Burning. Lately, this user has been out to make me look like a backstabbing cunt who uses, abuses, and threatens people. She's been out to "expose me" for the fact that I had cut her out. Obviously she's pissed at me, but I just really can't take her anymore. Before I continue, I wish to analyze her reply here. Her comment about how I act suicide if things don't go my way and bringing up a demotion on the fanon wiki. I do admit the way I handled that entire situations is terrible. Stress was getting to me and I acted poorly, and I have actually apologized to every user invidually about it atleast one. However, I have NOT once wanted to commit suicide over it. Something I find ironic about this saying by her that that anytime I wanted to cut Jess out because everything she was doing was just pushing me to the brink of insanity and/or hurting my sister and a very close friend of mine, she would always claim to be suicidal. This girl believes she has done nothing wrong and she's being wronged for the soul purpose because I hate her and I'm a manipulative asshole. This however isn't exactly the truth. Believe me, I care about her, I wish her to be safe and happy. She claims that I am the reason she's suicidal and depressed. I don't feel right being her friend if all I do is hurt her. She seems to be happier with the fanon than she ever did being close with me. I'm not exactly sure what her reason was for continuously hurting my sister, myself, and our friend were, but she has proven she doesn't see us as anyone positive. I would next like to talk about this. I believe I have apologized for these words approximately 24 times. This screenshot is out of context however and she's been using it to claim I threaten her and her cousin. Again, these claims are false. The context of these screenshots was the fact of her cousin, for about the fifth time was making life for us a living hell, I was getting frustrated to the point of pulling out my own hair. Everyone says things they never mean when in this position. She was telling me, "Oh, I can't control him." Which basically meant that she was going to allow him to bully us, "because he's family," as in her own words. This was more of me giving a suggestion that obviously would not have happened and out of rage and being pushed to the edge. For months, we've asked her to get her cousin under control. The reason is because I didn't want to deal with the drama. I personally hate drama, which is the reason for this thing. To clear up everything everyone seems to have a problem with. I love her, she was one of my closest friends, but I just can't handle the drama and the scares that come along with her. The fact that she sold Kiri out to her mother so her mother could get the police involved in a faked suicide on her part. This is actually a weird story. We'd gotten news that she'd killed herself, leaving our pms open and her mom getting ahold of her phone. One of my friends attempted suicide she felt so much grief over this while my sister and I prayed for three days, hoping she was okay. As it turns out, she was only on suicide watch and we had been lied to about everything. This makes me wonder about everything about her, were all her attempts faked? The fact her, her friend{I'll call her Hoshi}, and Jac all have access to eachothers accounts, it makes it seem hard to believe I'm not just being manipulated into thinking I'm nothing but a monster. With Jac and Hoshi constantly lying to me about Jess's state. Chrys being the OC I was using at the time and am usually referred to as that on places that are not the wiki. Beyond that point, we had been told that our friend, a few months back had committed suicide when we had been trying to help her and cheer her up. Being told she had killed herself like that left our hearts to just sink, with our eyes tearing up, not ready to lose her so suddenly. We were even told that she left a suicide note that was left by her. However, when questioning her about the note, all I got out of her is that it mentioned Kiri and that she had ripped it into pieces. Eventually though, about an hour or so later, Burning/Jess/Panda had logged back on and said she was completely fine as if nothing bad had even happened to her. She'd claimed that her wifi was cut out and she seemed confused when I showed her what her friend had told me. I don't think that this was very funny, nor can I even handle this. Truth is this was not the first time, nor the last we were told of her ending her life when in reality all Burning was doing was going on about her day-to-day life. This was another reason why we'd left her, is so we don't have to deal with fake suicides like this. Overall, I tried to be a good friend to Jess, even if I made a few mistakes at first. However, only difference is that when I fuck up, I start apologizing and feeling remorse for my actions. Including things I did on the fanon, there are alot of things I feel bad about that I've apologized for millions of times and still receive hate for. My demotion from admin to user on the fanon wiki. I am going to keep this section very brief. I am sorry for my behaviors for this entire situation. I know I acted out and was a fucking moron. I have nothing to justify anything here and know this was a fuck up. This was something that woke my ass up. It let me not only know that I was too far out of line, but also who was there for me, no matter what even if I fuck up. Only one person stayed by my side while everyone else treated me as if I was Igor 2.0. That person who stayed by my side, even during this proved that she would never leave my side, she proved that I was more important than being popular. I know I made mistakes, and I did deserve some hate for it, but I do not deserve the hate to drag into the summer of 2017 when my demotion happened in spring of 2016. I know I made mistakes, I know I handled everything poorly. I have no excuses. Drama I. Hate. Drama. I can't stress that enough, I hate drama and it's entirety. However, wherever I go, the drama seems to follow in the form of three-to-five users who choose to make me a target to bully and harass the shit out of me. I thought leaving the fanon, always being in favor of the "Troll Elimination Act" as well as a thread to ban drama would be enough to show this, but I guess not. Users seem to believe I live for the drama, but honestly, I fucking hate it more than anyone else. My question is why would someone who "loves" drama want to ban it? Exactly, because that person doesn't love it. Personally, I want to deal with zero drama and would be happy if I never dealt with a drop of it again. However, knowing some users who actually do live for the drama, this won't happen. Point and case is I fucking hate drama, you don't see me going to a user's wall and posting something that is meant to set them off. War of the Wiki Oh Gawd, this is probably where it all started. This happened from winter of 2015 and ended with my demotion in spring of 2016. I made mistakes. I didn't see myself as abusing my powers nor did I see myself as manipulating anyone. I do remember being annoyed with an rp Legend joined and kept using his joke OCs to make it go to complete hell. That's how it all started, and then the creation of Stevie Mills was the second thing. Continue to hate me for everything after, but even I know I should have just ignored it. I should have ignored the one everyone on the fanon calls "God." I didn't see anything as power abuse, but the way I approached it and the words I said may have given off that impression. Looking back at everything, I wish I would have just ignored it. I wish I had not gotten involved... None of the drama would have happened, I wouldn't be viewed as a cunt, a jerk, an abuser, and anything else anyone reading this believes. Because the truth is I'm not a bad person, even if I am viewed that way. I should have just kept my mouth shut and said nothing. DarkUchihaPrincess/Darkpai God fucking damnit, this is the one thing I didn't want to bring up. As I stated in my Ice blog, I said I saw any and all my "relationships" on wikia nothing more than an rp. That is true with Dark as well. Imma move on to the next thing now. Transphobia and misgendering. The answer to if I have Transphobia or not is very simple. That answer is no. Seeing from the definition, it means intense hatred for anyone transsexual. I do not have any problem with transsexual individual. If you're trans, then congrats. Actually, as I have stated many times before, I have a few friends of whom are transsexual. I respect it and try hard not to misgender them. When it comes to Dylan/Berru however, they're not my friend and I don't hate her/him for being trans, I hate them for harassing me for the past year and a half. I'm not misgendering them on purpose, I'm just not paying too much attention to it. Literally more than half of the time I even forget that she's even trans as I'm too busy focused on other things and clearing other things up. I personally think that this entire situation as just a reason to hate on me more than I already am. Remember this, and I'm going to say it in bold ass fucking letters so you don't miss it. I. Do. Not. Judge. By. Physical. Or. Sexual. Traits. Crystal the drama queen. You have been the first person to give me shit since I joined this wiki, being against me since day one. It was my first day and I had used a portrait I had made myself for Victim-chan, and she accused me of stealing it from Jack. She was later proven wrong, as JAck proved her wrong and I hadn't even known he had made one himself. I have NEVER wanted to fight you and would have preferred to have just been friends or something. I even remember saying that another "Crystal's monarchy" would be a good thing. I've even tried, but I guess that like everyone else, she doesn't forgive things I did OVER A YEAR AGO! I do not wish to fight with Crystal. As for the screenshot I've linked here, I wrote an entire fucking blog debunking this. I guess Crystal just wants to bully and harass the shit out of me and there is nothing that I can do or say that will make her stop. As for the badge thing, I wasn't prolonging my leave just for a fucking badge. I got it on the 9th and I left on the 12th, as well what would be the point of a badge if I was leaving anyway? I didn't farm badges, I was just dedicated to the wiki and a hard worker. I just fucking cared about that place and everyone there. My unbanning thread I understand people have just used this to make other users to hate me more than usual. Let me ask a question, even if I were unbanned, do you honestly think I'd return? I will NOT be returning to the fanon, even if I were to be unbanned. If I returned, I'd be welcomed with harassment, drama, and bullying, three things I want to avoid. If I'm to be unbanned from the fanon, I won't even know unless someone leaves it on my wall telling me so. Even then, I'll just ignore the message an stay here. Closing thoughts I am not a bad person. I do not judge, I do not manipulate. I am only human who makes mistakes when rather stressed or upset. I have had a short fuse and got very stressed very quickly over everything that's happened for the past year and a half I've been on this wiki. I just want all this to stop. Please, I can't handle this anymore. I'm making some major changes to my life to make everything less stressful. Even if this entire thing does NOTHING, I don't care. I just needed to vent. I don't manipulate people, I don't bully, I don't go to a discord group and talk shit about people who are suppose to be my best friends. I hold onto my friends like they're precious to me. Every friend I've ever had, I've treated them with respect and cared for them. Burning/Jess is the only friend I've actually had to cut out. As I explained some, but not everything. I'm sorry Jess, but I just can't do it anymore. I still hope you stay safe, and I'm sorry for everything. I really did care about you, and seeing it as I was hurting you is just something I can't stand seeing. I can't handle knowing I'm hurting someone by just being there friend. I can't handle anything that's happened anymore. I am not a bad person, I'm just a fucking idiot, therefore, all this drama isn't needed. Q&A Q&A is over as all that happened was the beginning of drama. As of now, this is closed off. Any comment I found to be drama bait will be deleted. Signed; Len Lawliet. Category:Blog posts